Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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