just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
