Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
