i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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