Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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