Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
