Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
