yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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