Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
