im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You pole danced in your parka.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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