Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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