Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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