not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
