Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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