I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize