if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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