Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
