It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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