I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
