I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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