Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
