I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
