If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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