everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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