Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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