I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
