I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The air taste purple.
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