I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
