Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Duck Duck Cougar?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
