I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
