Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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