ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
