i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
