My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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