This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
