my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How does one acquire holy water?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
