He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
