No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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