I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
