can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
