Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
