I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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