Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
These tits shall not be calmed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
