Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
operation harelip BJ is a go
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
