if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
