and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
