and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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