I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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