I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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