if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
