brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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