two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
