You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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