I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
