Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
