Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
