I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
