they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
