i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we made out on top of his cat.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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