I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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