Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
