I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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