so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
