I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently you make a good broom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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