I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
