either way he was missing a nipple.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
