Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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