...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
