Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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