My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
