I cockslap morals
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
