Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
