I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
