OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
