what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
