The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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