...so i touched it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
