Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
