Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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