so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
