you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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