I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
